'Good morning, Lancaster & Lowe, Lora speaking. How can I help?'
'Oh, hello Lora, it's Mrs Nadler here. How are you?'
'Ohh hello Mrs Nadler.' I'm good thanks. You?' My tone now a little more expressive than when I first answered the phone.
'Well never mind me Lora, are you better?'
'As better as I'll be. Thanks for asking. And too, for the flowers.'
Don't be silly. When your colleague told me what happened, I was so deeply sad. It is the very least I could do. I hope it wasn't a concern, receiving a bunch of flowers from us, that is. 'No, not at all. The flowers were greatly appreciated. But tell me, Mrs Nadler, what can I do for you today?'
'Oh for goodness sake, Lora, call me Pru or Prudence.'
She says the latter with much emphasis on the first syllable and finishes the second syllable as if the vowel didn't exist.
'Mrs Nadler, I do prefer to refer to you as I do.'
'How long have you been handling our accounts?'
'A good few years for sure but referring to you as I do helps keep me on the straight and narrow. And as anyone of my colleagues will tell you, I do need to be kept on the straight and narrow. Otherwise, I might be found dancing on the desks, accidentally replying to emails with 'Love you, Mom,' or generally causing mild chaos.'
Out of the corner of my eye, I see my colleague on my immediate right, glance over. I hear a few others chuckle. I want to laugh myself but I hold it together.
'Alright, if you insist.'
'You see, it helps us both. However, I am sure that's not the reason for your call today.'
'Ahh yes. Our-dear-Chloe will be attending The Regency Benefit Dinner in Tower Bridge in a few weeks wearing some very important jewellery. But the reason for my call is that there is one ring in particular I cannot seem to find on this policy.'
'Sure, I can have a look at that for you. But first, how is our-dear-Chloe?'
'Our-dear-Chloe has only appointed herself a year of volunteering at an elephant orphanage in Namibia, starting in September.'
'Well that should be nice. All that hot, sunny weather.' I chirped in.
'Have you been to Namibia, Lora?'
'I can't say that I have.'
'Oh, you really must go. It's such a beautiful country. Vast, yet utterly breath taking and the people are so wonderfully kind. But sometimes the wildlife gets a bad deal. Can you believe how us as human beings, can be so dreadfully inhumane? The stories our rangers told. Oh, simply too gruesome and ghastly for words. But, yes, our-dear-Chloe is off. As if it wasn't quite bad enough when she moved up to London. Now she's relocating to an entirely different continent. Some seven thousand-plus miles away! A month or two, perhaps, but an entire year? I shan't sleep a wink.'
'She'll be fine Mrs Nadler.' Offering words of comfort. 'And so will you.'
She exhales sharply. 'Awh, I am sorry. Right, let's get on to the business of the jewellery.'
'Sure. Which pieces do we need to look at?'
'Hang on Lora, Chloe's just sent me a text.'
'That's okay. I'll be here.'
'I'm on hold,' I say to my colleague Xavier, whose attempt at miming, Would you like a drink?, looks suspiciously like something else entirely. 'Can I get you a coffee?' He asks after he's assured its okay to speak.
'Lora,' Mrs Nadler bellows back in the phone. 'Chloe says she'll only need the five-carat yellow diamond ring which happens to be the said ring I'm calling about.' I give Xavier two thumbs up, grateful for the clarity and the caffeine. 'To be fair Mrs Nadler, she'll probably not need much else wearing a five-carat yellow diamond ring', I say as I whiz through the system.
I note the ring in question is not on the policy and advise as much.
'It's not?' Mrs Nadler sounding a surprised I would not have expected her to sound. 'Are you sure?'
'I. Am. Absolutely. Sure. Counting my words as I try to do more than one thing at a time and too making sure there's been no error unaccounted for. But let me have a look at your other policies. It really shouldn't be on any of those but I'm happy to double-check.' Can I place you on hold quickly?
She agrees and I place her on hold while I quickly bring up the Nadlers' policies. One's for a boat. Another for their villa in the South of France and a portfolio of letting properties. 'Guys', I say, though I turn to Jones who sits on the immediate right of me and I signal him to come over. 'I am reading this right aren't I? There's no yellow diamond ring listed on any of these policies?' He scoots in to get a closer look at my screen, takes my mouse off me and clicks through the policies as he conducts his investigation. 'No, I am not seeing it', he confirms. We go back a few policy years and find when the ring was removed.
I take Mrs Nadler off hold and I tell her as such. 'Might you have another policy elsewhere you've transferred it to?'
'Let's see...' I can hear her thrumming her fingers, the sound of deep contemplation or perhaps just inconvenience. 'A few years back, we had considered another insurer who'd offered a frightfully good premium, but honestly, their requirements were positively absurd. Wanted us to place some of our jewellery in a safe depository service. And that was before they wanted us to put a safe inside the current safe in our master bedroom and yet another safe downstairs as if we were starring in a heist movie.'
'Ahh yes, I remember you mentioning that.'
'And then, would you believe, they insisted on security lights in the pool. I mean, really! Were they expecting jewel thieves to arrive in scuba gear? In the end, the whole thing was so ghastly, we simply couldn't be bothered and stayed with you.'
'Mrs Nadler, you make me laugh.'
'Oh but I do speak the truth' she insists before adding, 'Lora, I think I'd remember changing the policy on a £250,000 ring.'
